I HATE YOU

DENTIST is the most suitable male profession - the only man that can tell a woman when to open and when to shut her mouth, and get away with it.

I don't care if you play soothing classical music, if you have a tacky angel painting on the ceiling or if you provide a Glamour magazine from '09 at arms reach, I still hate you Mr. Dentist. Apologies in advance if your loved ones chose this ungodly profession.

Every time I leave the dentist office, I feel like crying (yes, to this day) and thus try to avoid going as much as possible. Of course I always go to my bi-annual cleanings, but today I was thinking, if there was a magic pill that I could take and never have to go to the dentist again, how much would I pay for it? Seriously. I find the dental experience to be a "legal" way of torture in 2011.

Two days ago I noticed that part of my top retainer had shifted/broken, it felt loose. I did everything in my power to "tongue it back", yes that is a medical term. However, it was not enough. So, unless I wanted my tooth gap to look like Madonna's, I knew I had to dial those 10 dreaded numbers.

I've been to the dentist and orthodontist enough to (sort of) know what to expect. But, today! I experienced what felt like a mild form of waterboarding. I think he combined water from the Dead Sea, with sand from the Sahara and decided to bombard my mouth with it. I wish I was joking. And, I love how no matter how hard you are clenching the chair, closing your eyes in agony and drool with blood is rolling down your adorable white shirt, the dentist is completely unfazed and could give a rat's ass.

Towards the end, all I could hear was "BBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" and then he said to his assistant "pass me the torch". I was not sure I would ever see my friends or family again.

The current Bachelorette is a dentist and seems very sweet, maybe I'll get an appointment with her in Maine...?!

My new dentist Ashley Hebert :)