Miami Prequel

Wrote this on our way to Miami, but didn't get to post it, so I leave you with this before I pass out tonight (in about .5 seconds). Please be aware that this was written on Friday, I am not on an airplane now.

As the daughter of a pilot, I know I should probably not say this, but I truly dislike flying, which is an issue given that I love to travel. It is not a matter of being scared at all, it just seems to get more and more uncomfortable as the years go by. I would pay serious big bucks for teleportation, but then Sergie would be unemployed. So, maybe we can arrange for that in 15 years or so when he retires. I think that is a fair compromise, right? I have no idea how my consultant friends do it week after week. I am sitting here on this tiny "Comair" (what? Conair?!) plane and the ceiling barely grazes my head and it takes a dozen tries and different techniques to successfully cross my legs. You would think I was busting out some mad yoga moves.

I do however enjoy people watching. In front of me is this young couple that is either homeless or partied all night, I can't decide. The girl is your typical "Monet" (as our dear friend in Clueless would say), attractive from far away and a whole mess up close. Blond and black highlights, big boobs, big lips, tiny waist, tight ripped jeans and gulping wine with tomato juice (is that combination typical?) like there is no tomorrow. She keeps ordering her man drinks, but clearly he is either drunk, drugged or the best sleeper EVER, because he and his big ass earring, have not batted an eye in hours. Not even when she has jumped over him three times to go to the "bathroom". I'm also semi grossed out because there are little white unknown particles on his head and every time he switches sides I catch a whiff of something sour (and it ain't patch kids). When she is not "hydrating" herself, she is outlining her lips over and over again. It reminds me of the show Matt watches sometimes, that puts me to sleep immediately, "how the states got their shapes", perhaps she thinks her mouth is a country?!

Ok, moving on, to the right, is a couple, probably early 30's with their 10 month old baby, Iris (yes, I'm that good of a stalker now, I know her name). If I hate flying now, can't even imagine with a little munchkin and I love babies. My only minor issue with them is that daddy seems to be glancing over at the "Monet" a little too often for comfort. Perhaps he thinks we are at the Louvre? Behind me, clearly I cannot stalk/see as much (I need a little detective mirror), but there is a 20 something year old holding her dog in her arms during the entire flight (is that allowed?) a-la Paris Hilton and she and the Dolly Parton-esque flight attendant cannot stop talking about 'fluffy' (so clever and original). I'm definitely going to get a dog just to call it taco, beaner, enchilada or wetback.

Oh, something else I need to comment with you, I hope TSA is not reading this. You know how you have to put liquids in a little Ziploc bag and take it out while going through security? Well, for a good 3 years now, I leave them in. Yes, on purpose. I always have more than 1 bag and only once has anyone noticed or cared. What kind of security is that? Today I had a liquid party going and NOTHING. I am not trying to "defy" the law or pretend to be a bad ass, but what started off as an honest mistake one day, has now led me to this slight obsession of checking if they will ever notice. Disclaimer--Please do not try this at home, I do not want anyone getting in trouble. I am a trained and professional liquid-evader.

There has been a development, rocker man has awoken. He reminds me of that musician, drug addict from Lost (Charlie), maybe it's him!? When his woman is not licking his ear, he is using his long and dirty finger nails to get the Delta cookie out of his teeth and re-eat it. Anyone else hungry?

*Miami entry posted earlier (below), changin' up the order today...