Lookin' for love?

No, I have not joined a dating site nor am I looking for a new beau. I'm very happy with the current one. However, a colleague of mine did join eHarmony about 2 weeks ago, in hopes of finding that special someone. Let me preface by saying that she was reluctant, but thought it could be a decent place to find someone (based on all the positive things we've been hearing); so she paid her "dues" for 3 months (it's not cheap by the way, roughly $140) and began the search.

None of us realized how complicated this would actually be, if I tried explaining the whole process, this would be a much longer post. I am not an expert by any means, but since the subscription started, we've been having a daily Love Hour at lunch time, in which we go through new matches, see if we've (yes, "we", as if we are all on it) received any "communications" and continue to fill out my friend's never ending profile. Let me start by talking about this last point first, I have never seen so many questions in my life. Ever. Who is the most important person in your life? What is the one dream you hope to achieve? Who has the capacity of making you angry? When do you feel inspired? When are you afraid? How sexual are you? If you sat down, decided to complete your profile in one sitting and had all the answers in your mind already, it would probably still take 2-3 hours at least to reach the 100% completion mark.

Once you have done that and uploaded the most flattering pictures you can find (a photo shoot was a must for my friend, who hates taking pictures), it's time for eHarmony to work its magic and find your matches. Oh my Lord, have the matches been disappointing. We've tried not being uber critical, but COME ON. Most common and hated answer: What is the one thing you cannot live without? Air. Really? Really? Is that necessary? Or, let's talk about the hideous pictures that people upload. The only logically explanation is that they are blind. Pictures with their ex-wives, pictures wearing devil horns and pushing their noses up to look like a porcine, pictures zipping up their fly, pictures of them in the 70's (cute then, not so much now).

And, to top all of this off. Today, about 25 out of the 28 new casanovas matches, live far, far away, despite my friend setting as her preference that they live within 30 miles. Uhm, eHarmony, do you know how to calculate distance? I do not think North Carolina is 30 miles from DC? How about Minneapolis? Or Utah? So, we decided to call eHarmony to ask what the hell was going on. My friend was fuming and ready to cancel, so I spoke to cupid the representative. After rambling for a good 20 minutes, it seemed that the bottom line was: when they cannot find any matches for you in the vicinity, they "widen" the radius. Way to SERIOUSLY depress someone there buddy. He kept telling us, maybe the love of your life, does not live next door. No shit Sherlock.

But, we have not lost hope quite yet. We were however, on the verge for a minute when we read a profile that said: I am most interested in the brain, did you know that it is the largest sexual organ? I will not date a woman who cannot talk about erotica, nor a woman who talks about erotica all the time. His fate: ARCHIVED AND CLOSED.

On that note, let me share this sweet Bob Marley quote that my friend Ashley sent me--

Last but not least, happy birthday Patricia!!